01/12/16

Expat Tinderella’s Xmas Diary: Not a common love story

Expat Tinderella’s Xmas Diary: Not a common love story

In November not much is up and it’s getting cold outside. Alice is still recovering from Halloween & soon seasonal lovelife anxiety will knock. Who should she bring to Xmas dinners or should she go solo?

In addition to the cozy get-togethers, gift exchange, calories and endless gluhwein, there's often something else on the agenda when we are single and knowing that we are heading home for the holidays. Alice wanted to avoid the usual hometown hookups and was looking for something else instead. Something less predictable - no disrespect to the hometown babes...you are lovely by the fireplace but as long as we are back to post-festive mode we both know that we have nada in common. Holidays bring up emotions and we observe more and more singles looking for love or romantic encounters in a higher frequency than any other time of the year. And it starts with the first truly cold days.

If you happen to be swamped with work, single and an expat, it can get really lonely at times. This is what happened to Alice. Although she was looking forward to spending the holidays back to her hometown she was a little flustered over the coordinates of her love life. All sorts of questions were crossing her mind, should she rekindle the spark with a hometown ex? Should she open up to meeting new people?
Her curiosity for using a dating app back home was also popping a lot lately in her mind. So, Alice turned this rather dull period of mid-November blues into a warm up session for the perfect holiday dating plan.

Alice’s smartphone was literally blinking like a mini Christmas tree!


Alice is not your average dating app user. She is funny and fun, cute and intelligent, quirky but easy to relate and talk to, sprinkled with an innate politeness and a pinch of cheekiness. After a year of downloading and deleting dating apps and dating a bunch of admittedly nice but dull colleagues, she decided to try something new. She would set up for an open dating profile, stating clearly that she is keen on meeting new people, make new friends, men, and women, and not only men from 30-35 like she has done before.
Little did she know that this small tweak would make the difference. This made it possible to date more people during the course of just one month’s time and via making new friends she got more invitations to social gatherings and therefore she would multiply her chances of meeting someone special since she would have expanded her circle. And it worked like a charm!

Alice’s smartphone was literally blinking like a mini Christmas tree!

By mid-November Alice was invited to a bunch of dinners, birthday/ housewarming parties on top of her usual work parties and social events she was attending every season. It felt like the perfect plan! Stating that you wish to meet new people made more guys approach her and write to her first as well as some pretty cool girls who were new in town or just super social and wanted also to expand their circle. Alice was super happy with her life at this particular point, there was a rush of excitement that she could flirt, socialize and who knows what?!
Alice was looking forward to her dates she has planned for the forthcoming week, after a long chatting period and a few Facetime calls. She has been chatting with a lot of people, in groups and also alone and has singled out three special people…Hector, Jake, and April.

Yes, she met all three amazing flirts. Yes, she met them more than once. Yes, she actually fell in love with all of them.


Since she was clear and honest from the start, she thought that it would be fine to continue chatting until she or they would lose interest but since no one of them did, Alice decided to go on and meet all three of them. She was sure that one would be her friend and the rest a possible date and /or one would probably never see again. Alice felt like it would be a piece of cake to choose the best match for her, to continue romantically. One of her New Year’s resolutions was also to keep an open mind towards new things and new experiences. It is what Alice called ‘since you hit 33 kind of thing’ and she was ready to explore life.

If you are still reading, you have guessed correctly. Alice found herself in a unique situation. Yes, she met all three amazing flirts. Yes, she met them more than once. Yes, she actually fell in love with all of them. Three entirely different human beings! Yes, she did. And without even trying too hard. “This is so crazy! It cannot continue for too long! She was texting us, her friends all the time. Alice was looking forward to each of her dates and was always feeling like this would be the last time she sees them, as at the back of her mind was playing on repeat that “It is time to make up my mind!”. So, November was one non-stop crazy ride, a roller coaster of surprise and excitement.

December was here and Alice was enjoying her dates with the same enthusiasm. Once in a while, a cloud of indecisiveness would be over her head so at some point she decided to discuss this with me. “Do they know about each other !?” was my first question. Well, yes they did. Although Alice was honest about dating all of them at the same time, they have never met all four of them, nor was any intention for this to happen. Alice explained to me that this made the whole experience more relaxed and was keeping it fresh as it made her focus on positive feelings and encourage her to show the best version of herself and only share good moments without the pressure or social constraints to having to choose one. “Listen,” she said, “I know it's not the most common outcome and me, myself did not expect or asked for this but it works. It just works…!”

He was able to communicate with Alice in a way that the rest of the Northmen were usually unable to. It is called passion babes!


She went on to describe them and as I was listening to her I could see that she might have liked more one of the three but she was not sure yet as to whether to proceed or not so she was taking her time, informing them of the situation so as to avoid misunderstandings and it was indeed working for them, at that particular moment. “We often are pushed to decide and we end up feeling lonelier than ever, even worse than before we started using dating apps…”, Alice told me once. I rested assured that my friend was an intelligent, beautiful and respectful human being and she would treat everyone with courtesy. So, I was happy for her and was curious to find out more about those three charmers she was dating...

First, she met Hector, slightly younger, with a promising job in the media and a very big social circle. Very good at sexting and taught my friend how to use Snapchat. There was no party, event of concert Hector would not be able to find a way in. And he would always invite Alice and introduce her to everyone. Alice, coming out of a long relationship with a housecat, found in Hector the social life she always wanted with an extra twist. Hector being younger and Spanish was irresistible and super attractive. He was also a gentleman and being also a Southerner he was able to communicate with Alice in a way that the rest of the Northmen were usually unable to. It is called passion babes! Hector and Alice were seen in most of the events that November including her Christmas Party from work. Hector, although younger was content from his prolonged student lifestyle of partying and as his career was getting more and more demanding he was seeking for someone special to make more plans with. Alice wanted to take her time to see if this was just a phase or he actually is more mature than his Facebook photos show.

They were acting like besties but there was intense chemistry and Alice did not stop the magic that was in the air.


Then, via another dating app, one with more words and text that photos, she met a guy her age, Jake, who by coincidence lived two streets from her block. Jake was a local, and the exact opposite of Hector. Definitely not anti-social but more like a confident, silent creative type, romantic with a knowledge of good wine and a tendency to enjoy romantic movies more than he should as he often joked himself. Alice fell instantly in love with a few gestures of his and to her surprise, Jake was also able to impress a crowd when she asked him to accompany her to a family house party with plenty of old and new friends around. Jake was the most good-looking man she ever dated and she often caught herself feeling slightly insecure as to whether he was too good for her. Jake was just coming out of the long relationship just like Alice and was the type of the nice guy, the guy the average mom would like. Alice hates putting pressure on people and knows very well how it feels to come out of a long relationship so she was wondering why couldn't she date both and see where this goes.

This did not happen until she met April. April was slightly older than Alice and even though they went to the same College, they have met via an app. Alice was immediately impressed by the intelligence and the mystery that surrounding April. April was a rather confident and charming girl with a humorous approach to life and Alice met her while she has decided to date, only girls. Something like that was new to Alice and what she liked more than anything is how she felt every time they were talking for long hours about life and relationships. Alice was impressed by all the experiences April had and was often secretly wishing to explore similar events. April was the perfect companion for staying in and for going out, for talking and for simply enjoying a good Chinese takeaway. Alice knew it was more than friendly. They were acting like besties but there was intense chemistry and Alice did not stop the magic that was in the air. Alice has never done anything like that before and had no idea where this is going. Thankfully April’s reassuring words consoled Alice from feeling pressure to have everything figured out already.

She was not sure who to choose as each one of them was matching a different side of her personality.


Alice went through the pre-holidays season thinking about Hector, Jake, and April and she was seeing all of them too. She was juggling among all her social events so fine and elegantly that she was actually having fun with all three of them in various events and outings. Her mom loved to hear about Jake, her cousins liked Hector’s photos on Instagram and her dad was impressed by April when she was once on a Skype call together. She was not sure who to choose as each one of them was matching a different side of her personality and this exactly made it so hard to decide. But, who is to say that she had to?!

Christmas is a breath away. Alice is about to leave the city for her hometown. She is still in contact with all three of them and they all expressed how much they will miss her during the two weeks she would be away. Who is she going to choose? Who is going to perhaps leave her? Who will think of her more? Who will make the most moving or amazing gesture while she is away? Who she will miss the most? All good questions, followed by exciting tingling feelings and shall be left to be pondered and discovered when Alice is back. Stay tuned and in the meantime, search for your significant other (or others) as you never know what the new year might be hiding for you around the corner!
...[to be continued]

by Hellena Von Dutch
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