There are already five things I found that you’re doing wrong. And I just had a brief look.
Thirty minutes later my mood seemed to have brightened a bit thanks to the Frozen Daiquiri in front of me until my friend Camilla opened her mouth. “Why don’t you ever meet any nice guys online?” There it was again! “I don’t know, they all suck!” My face darkened as I folded my arms defensively. “Come on, they can’t all suck. You’re probably just doing it wrong” she said as she fished her iPad out of her handbag and held it in front of my face. “Log in. Now.” I shook my head but did as she said. “Suit yourself”. She then snatched it right out of my hand and leaned back in her cushioned seat. After a few minutes she put it down in front of me and said, “there are already five things I found that you’re doing wrong. And I just had a brief look.”
“What? Did you suddenly become a dating expert?” I mocked her but my voice trembled a bit as I looked down to pick invisible fluff from my shirt. “What?” She elbowed me with a big smile slapped across her face. “All the Prince Charming’s out there have no clue that such a funny and smart girl is hiding behind that hideous online profile of yours.” Not sure whether I should be flattered or offended I looked at her. “What should I change?” “Alright, you better take notes here, because this is important”, she said clearly enjoying her superior role.
You want to be loved for YOU
“First of all, what’s with this picture? It looks like it’s five years old and a little bit…staged.” Staged! Although I protested I knew exactly what she meant. My poor attempt of being “artistic” during a fun little photo-shoot with one of my friends trying out her new camera. “Take one that’s more natural and more recent. One where you are smiling.” She had a point.
Those few centimetres are probably not a big issue but what if your online persona suddenly loses 5 kilos or becomes blonde?
“Next, since when are you 1.70 metres tall? I know it’s just a little white lie but for what? Don’t shape yourself to be a different person, maybe a person you’d rather be. Or a person you think you should be just to attract more guys. This will bite you in the ass when a guy actually wants to meet you. Those few centimetres are probably not a big issue but what if your online persona suddenly loses 5 kilos or becomes blonde? Stay who you are! Because you want to be loved for YOU!” She shut my protesting down with a little eye-roll. “Ok,” I gestured locking my mouth and symbolically throwing away the key.
“Good girl. Next. Now this is important.” She looked at me sternly. “Your profile is too generic. No one will actually read past the first two lines. My guess is that you scrambled this together in ten minutes.” She was right. “Your online profile should be a summary capturing your personality with your best qualities shining through. A snapshot of your life. This could also be written by your neighbour, or any woman for that matter.” I knew she was right, but how do I start and what do I write? I felt a little bit lost. “Ok. Describe your personality in five words. But be honest with yourself. What makes you unique? What is interesting and fascinating about you? What are you passionate about, what are your most prominent character traits?” “Uh you sound so professional. I was waiting for the HR Manager to come through.” I mocked. “Shut up and listen. You might have to think about this a bit longer and harder. What is the essence of you?” she said solemnly. “Oh come on!” This was getting ridiculous but I knew she was right.
He’s not your exact type on paper? Don’t rule him out right away!
“Equally important is the next point here. What are you looking for? You know that you wrote; He should be a fun outgoing guy. A mix between Brad Pitt and Ryan Gosling.” I smirked and chuckled shyly but she just looked straight at me. “You can’t be serious. Who do you think is going to react to that? Not the cute guy that stutters a little when he gets nervous but the arrogant prick who thinks he’s the king of the world.” Point taken. “Which values are you looking for in a significant other? Don’t be too picky with height, body type or education because you might rule out your Mr. Right before you even get to meet him. Because let’s face it, how often did you end up falling for someone who wasn’t your exact type? Probably four out of five times, if I remember correctly? Give those guys out there that don’t 100% meet your high expectations a chance, my dear.” She poked my shoulder playfully and I had to admit, she was onto something here. I straightened myself a little in my seat and leaned over to her. “What else?”
Don’t get frustrated if you don’t meet your Mr. Right at the very first date.
“Last but not least. I found some spelling mistakes. Another sign that you were in a hurry and didn’t really invest the time and the love to create that profile.” She was right again. “I corrected it but once you have your final version, make sure you spellcheck that baby before you release it.” With that she leaned back and smiled satisfyingly. “You are the best, Camilla.” I gave her a little peck on the cheek. “And”, she added, “don’t get frustrated if you don’t meet your Mr. Right at the very first date. Even with an awesome profile like that you might have to kiss a few frogs on the way.” Ah well, I can live with that.