The last of the usual dating suspects

The last of the usual dating suspects

Don’t judge a book by its cover they say. But you can definitely tell a few things by someone’s online profile because a book cover is not chosen by the writer, but we decide upon our digital persona.

While we are setting off for online dating adventures we shall know by now that there are somewhat certain classic types we might swipe-bump into. No, this is not about warning you about the duck-face selfie girl or the guy with the 6-pack made-of-stone. These exist, but hey, it is not 2012, digital dating app users have moved on from these classic faux-pas and we have all become a little smarter and selective when it comes to choosing online.
After careful observation and active usage of multiple dating apps, we present you here the 5 main categories we generalize them here for the sake of our sanity and your expectation!

The below categories are to be read with a pinch of humor and are all based roughly on real dating experiences of our A-team. For your information, these are all type of online daters that have been discovered within the course of this year and it is a mix-bag of bittersweet, funny and entertaining types, just like the year itself if you look back throughout 2016!

Whether she has intentions on dating or just have fun with someone new is a gamble…

5 girls you meet online

●    Girls just wanna have fun!
Just like you. And there is nothing wrong about that. This girl is swiping instead of playing cards or any game and she is probably bored. Just like you. Whether she has intentions on dating or just have fun with someone new is a gamble and it totally depends on her mood, the amount of free time and how inspired she might feel by you. Just like you. This is what usually guys referring to a hot girl, sometimes too hot for you but definitely knows the game and plays fair. Just like you (should) too!

●    Not as a hot but nice girl:
This is a different level of nice also what we refer to as Kinder Surprise date, as you might find her just cute and not so hot but she might end up surprising you very much during and at the end of the date. It is a goldmine and definitely potential for either friendship or relationship. In this case, you shall not judge her hotness by the lack of bikini shots or selfies, it doesn't mean she is not good looking. She is just the type that might also have brains, charm, and personality as well to couple with a fine body as well. Stay tuned, this is a keeper and a possible transition to the next group...

●    Girlfriend material:
Girls like these usually have something on their forehead that screams to most men: girlfriend or wife material. There are also two sub categories, but they all have one main thing in common: they are all seriously interested in dating someone. This girl is either alone for some time and feels ready to give a new person a chance, she is likely to be open to date a guy that is different from her ex and is probably a girl that is not exactly a social butterfly, without this being a rule. Girls like these have a calm personality and often have jobs that also require the same level of patience, like kindergarten teachers or nurses. She will treat you with respect and will probably laugh at your not-so-funny jokes and if she is not into you erotically, if there was not click she will send a thank you text. This type is rarely ghosting but actually is the kind of person you would genuinely happy to bump into a market or introduce to a single friend.

It is very likely that if you stick with her, the sex will be still amazing. But her attention would be limited.

●    Small town beauty:
Small town girl, pretty cute and popular back in high school but for some reason, only X-Files can explain, she is single. Maybe all the good are taken, maybe it took her a long while to get over her ex or she was too busy with studies or career. Point is, she is still single and available for fun! So as you. All she needs it's a chance. So, if you are new in town, this is a good type to introduce you to the hidden charms of the new city and everything is possible!

●    Sexy Milfs:
You know this one. Some women are still extremely good looking, with often more money at their disposal for tanning and the latest cosmetic enhancements and treatments so they might often fool someone over their age. Also, they are usually wealthy, even wealthier than the average twenty or thirty something and who is to say no to a nice, stress-free cocktail? We all have a guy friend who met this slightly older woman online and they were dating for a while. It might even result in a relationship but most of the times the following happens: after the honeymoon phase when her kids and lawyer are calling her 24/7 the guys feel that this is too intense and complicated and the average man steps back. We shall hope they won’t disappear but it is very likely that if you stick with her, the sex will be still amazing. But her attention would be limited. This is ideal for an open relationship and remember that she wants you mostly for fun as well as you do too. In case a relationship or commitment appears, think wisely as you very likely have to forget the crazy parties for a while and babysit her kids.

5 guys, you meet online

●    The Sex stud:
Easy to spot on from his bio and pic: the shirtless almost NSFW selfies, always torso -never face, in case someone he knows is swiping. This dude thinks that he is making it clear visually that he is in it for the sex. And probably he is having enough of it so one should not expect romantic dates or candle lights, but late night booty calls, which are totally fine, if that’s what you are into as well. Get you high stilettos and get your groove back if he doesn't look murder-y. It is extremely common this guy is in town only for a few days, he travels a lot usually and he might stop chatting if you come across too prude or too intelligent, or feminist. As you can understand, he ain't got time or mood for that.

Just keep an eye for hoarder or stalker anti-social dudes who usually are behind shows like Catfish or college horror movies.

●    The busy bee:
This is a tricky one as it varies from occupation and per attitude and age. He might be a businessman who travels a lot or a doctor in a hospital who has 0 time to kill and wants to make concrete plans and his entire life is based on last-minute calls and arrangements. Think of the Mr. Grey from 50 shades of Grey yet slightly more poor and hopefully less kinky or mentally messy. Usually, he has the latest smart phone and asks you quickly to meet and he is not the type of serial chatter. He is to the point and if he is also polite and actually back to your town often, he might even be a catch at some point and provided your dates are steamy hot and fun. Keep an eye for a sign of ring and if he actually respects you as much as he does his boss. Enjoy the expensive wine and you will probably have to start pretending that you are also into running.

●    The sweet shy guy:
This is cousin George. Nice, and a lot cuter than back in 1998 when he was a video-game aficionado teenager. He possibly works in IT or he is smart enough and well-read just not as cool as the popular boys at school and probably had very few girlfriends who 99% of times made the first move. The clubs are not his thing, he does not feel comfy to approach a girl on the dance floor, chances are he is not a great dancer, but that doesn't mean he cannot be a great kisser. Not always younger than the average guy online but usually these guys are super nice and sweet just not social beasts or party animals and could easily transform into a boyfriend material with the little help from you! Perfect match for equally shy girls but only remember certain red alerts: is he still a student, does he live with his folks? Does he have a job? Is there potential (so you must not judge by his sneakers or style, you can help this!) If this is just a shy shell and the guy is normal you are free to proceed. Just keep an eye for hoarder or stalker anti-social dudes who usually are behind shows like Catfish or college horror movies.

If he is not unemployed and your tastes in movies match -or at least are compatible, I can almost hear church bells ringing...

●    The home guy:
You have heard of the Netflix and Chill guy, and I bet you all know that it is unofficially a euphemism for sex on the couch after Domino's pizza. Well, strangely how this dude actually means it. He likes to stay home a lot. If you do too, then it's a match from heaven sprinkle with pepperonis and mozzarella bites! Be prepared for watching every cool show on Netflix, HBO and you better dust your DVD collection at home. Usually, these guys are either too tired from a busy job or let’s face it a tad on the lazy side. On a positive note, he is very likely to be excellent at Quizzes. Although he won’t wake up and run with you or follow you at your yoga class, you shall expect a belly which size varies on age and the type of pizza he usually orders. It is, however, likely that he can cook since he likes to eat, and he won’t make you jealous as he rarely goes out in pubs or salsa dancing nights. If you like this type of men, it is very easy to jump into a relationship with him, especially if it's autumn or winter. So, if he is not unemployed and your tastes in movies match -or at least are compatible, I can almost hear church bells ringing...

●    The recently divorced:
Are you into commitment -free sex, into passionate sex, into late night calls followed with invitations or just chat? Are you also recently divorced? Filled with anger which sometimes feeds your ego to just check if you are desired again? Then that’s your man. Usually organized and tidy but with an obvious emotional wall to climb if you wish to actually really meet them for who they really are. This young man might be totally normal and a boyfriend material, since he was married once, or he might be a right pain in the hole hence the divorce. There are so many reasons to break up, as many as different people in the world. It is probably for the best if you at least go on a few dates with this guy to filter as much information he is willing to share voluntarily as well as involuntarily. Usually men who were married do mention that they are or were married at some point, or mention their kids, or something about their ex-wife. Not always of course but they usually do. Now, whether this was a case of high school sweethearts who got married young and sadly grew apart makes a big difference than if he was the one who cheated on his 9-month pregnant wife with a 20-year-old model. And that girl is up to your cunning talent to fish out from him.

We all appreciate an honest, busy multitasker but nobody ever appreciated a dishonest time-waster.

2 types of people you wish to meet online:

●    A combo of fun and home type:
We want it all and we want it now! This is the motto here. Queen (the band) knew it all very well. When it comes to online dating most of us, men or women are looking for a combination of things, with main two: the fun type who can easily attend a party with us but also be able and willing to relax at home with some homemade dinner and a movie. It doesn't have to be a ballroom dancer or a chef in the kitchen, but someone confident for themselves and open to learning new things. Most women and men are reporting disappointed if their dates are actually only one dimensional. It is similar to what they say about music, if you like Jazz, if you love Jazz, there are moments that you might want to dance to disco or a pop song. Humans are multidimensional beings with complex brains and a variety of tastes and interests. So, be open and positive!

●    The cut the crap types:
Similarly, nobody likes lies. None of the above types, in their pure best version, likes to waste their or our time. So, the moment online dating app users realize how necessary is to lie and also how stupid and immature that is. It is somewhat common and admittedly a thing that happens in traditional dating. Some people have a tendency to lie, especially when under pressure and when there is no easy way to discover or uncover a scam and both sexes could result to lies because it is possible. Online dating provides a lot of ways to actually see through someone’s fake identity but we shall all still be careful. Back then it was lying about your husband or wife, and today is more lying about your true intentions when you start chatting or dating someone. We might not all work for the Prime Minister or the ER, but no one has time to waste or lose, so most of us are looking for someone who will at least be true about why he is using a dating app, or what is it exactly that he is looking for or gain from it. Remember, dating IS about fun and hurting others is the exact opposite. We all appreciate an honest, busy multitasker but nobody ever appreciated a dishonest time-waster.

by Helena von Dutch
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